A rant about negativity towards mothers and random stuff

Has anyone heard of fetus parties? Anyone? I hadn't until today. It is the head of the Royal College of Midwives who alerted us to their apparent existence, as she, a leader of women supposed to be there to help and guide and support us, lashed out at expectant mothers for all kinds of issues.

As it was a pretty anti-woman rant the Daily Mail (surprise surprise) reported it gleefully.

"There is a worry that supposed diagnostic scans are being used for entertainment." she is reported to have said. Well, although I didn't go as far as to have a fetus party (though I don't actually see anything wrong with people doing so) I did show my scan pictures around.

I had 3D and 4D scans as a matter of course - and at least one every four to six weeks throughout pregnancy. I didn't pay extra for them, but then, I am not in the UK. My OB GYN happened to have the equipment and once he had done the measurements, and checked everything was OK each time in the usual ultrasound way, he switched over to 3D or 4D and that was my and my husband's special moment. At 20 weeks my daughter turned towards us and it honestly looked like she was smiling. It was a very special moment.

At a later 4D scan I could see her eyes opening and closing. It was wonderful. Yes, they are diagnostic scans. But if they bring joy and happiness, things that most medical procedures don't involve, then what's the harm?

We took a DVD to each appointment - it was given to us at the first scan at about 6 weeks. I was able to send images and videos from the scans to my family in the UK. It was the only way they could share in the pregnancy. It was great.

So, Professor Cathy Warwick, they are an important diagnostic tool, but they also provide a wonderful record of the pregnancy. It's a special time for some of us. Nervewracking for those of us who have already lost babies. As each month went by and no problems were picked up, or nothing unmanageable, it was a wonderful way of allowing us to start bonding with our baby. My husband in particular, who couldn't share each flutter and then, later on, kick, was entranced. We didn't hold a fetus party, but I will be grateful forever that we were lucky enough to be able to watch our daughter grow and develop in this way. I do not approve of private companies ripping people off by making them pay for these scans, but it appears that is the way in the UK nowadays.

The lovely head of the College of Midwives then gets in a dig at older mothers, and how they make greater demands on maternity services. Thing is, not everyone can have children younger. They may not have met the right person with whom to bring a life into the world, or they may not have been ready to have a child (there is no way I could have handled it in my 20s), or they may not have been able to afford to.

I can hardly be bothered to argue more about this. But the focus shouldn't be on the strain the older women are placing on the NHS. The focus should be on why the hell isn't anyone doing anything about adapting the NHS to meet the demands? It has long been known that there is an increasing shortage of midwives. But despite promises during election campaigns I can see no evidence of there being any changes. Many midwives do a wonderful job, but there are unfortunately far too many instances of where they aren't able to do their job as they are too busy. That's not the mothers' fault. It's the system which needs investment in training.

And just one final point. Is it only in the UK where whenever there is anything wrong with the public services we are led to believe that it is the public's fault? We pay our taxes, our national insurance contributions, in order to have a good health service. If the NHS can't hack the pace then maybe they should look at themselves and ask themselves why they aren't able to provide a decent service, consistently across the country. Why are far too many babies and mothers dying because of shoddy care? Why are so many people languishing on long waiting lists?

How is it that I was able to have so many scans and excellent care throughout my pregnancy in Luxembourg and not pay any more for it? Why when my husband needed to see a cardiologist was he able to get a non urgent appointment within two days here in France? And why when someone else I know in the UK needs an endoscopy appointment do they have to wait for months?

I don't understand why. Why, if other countries in Europe manage to have decent health and transport infrastructure, can't the UK manage it? Why do people in the UK have to pay so much to use shoddy train services? Why do so many people have to go private to get decent healthcare? Why does the head of the Royal College of Midwives have to begrudge women getting excited about ultrasound scans, instead of focussing on sorting out the chronic shortage of qualified staff?

And the most depressing thing about all this is that it isn't going to get any better for you over there. Because helping the little people isn't the priority of your unelected government.