It's every parent's nightmare isn't it. And it happened to me. Just two days ago. I was walking round my sitting room with my baby in my arms, and I slipped. On nothing. Jst slipped. I landed on my bum, and at some point between losing my footing and landing I dropped my baby. She landed on the back of her head, and knocked her head as she went on the table leg. Two whacks to the head.
It made a noise I will never forget. It sounded as if her skull had been crushed. The panic I felt, the fear that I had killed my baby. But she cried. Screamed. Wailed. Stared at me with a very very angry but very focussed little face. We called an ambulance. On the phone they reassured me, if she's crying, she's fine, we're on our way.
In the ambulance she slept, while I cried. The paramedic said don't worry, this happens to everyone. Really? Everyone drops their baby? No, not everyone, but lots of people do.
We arrived at the hospital. A nurse came to take her blood pressure. My baby laughed. She's very ticklish. They shoved a paracetamol up her bum, and said I could feed her. They took me through to the doctor. We had already met a few months ago when she was admitted for suspected bronchiolitis which turned out to be a cold. He felt her skull, she laughed. They weighed her and she shrieked with ticklish joy.
The doctor said, you're panicking, don't worry, babies' heads are very flexible. The swelling is already going down, she's alert, she didn't pass out, there's no bruise, her BP and temperature are fine, and she's laughing. Go home. Here are the signs of concussion to look out for, and handed me a list.
So I picked my baby up, very carefully, and the doctor said, you on the other hand need an xray, you've hurt your back. I'll phone radiology. No, no, no, I'm taking my baby home. So we went through some formalities and paperwork. I did a breath test, I suppose they can't be too careful. I phoned my husband, and said he was to come and get us, that we are fine.
36 hours on and my baby is fine. She gurgles at the dog, pulls on my hair, and although her skull isn't quite the same shape it was two days ago, they say it will sort itself out. I am hobbling round like an old woman, with a very bruised bum and coccyx. Every time I look at where we fell I hear the sound of my baby's skull hitting the floor. I suppose I will do for a long time yet. Every time I pick her up my heart kind of lurches. I assume I will get my confidence back.
I dropped my baby on her head. One day I will forgive myself.
Forgive yourself. It happens to all of us. My daughter fell off her changing table at the age of 6 months, and landed right on the top of her head. I cried more than she did. She's 6 years old now and continually bright and lively. Occasionally I remember that night and feel sick, but you will find, as I did, that most parents you meet will have a head injury story. It's ok!
ReplyDeleteOh no. Poor you. A bit frightening, though. Glad all OK x.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comments. I have been inundated with tweets, dms and emails today - it appears that unintentionally harming one's children is really common.
ReplyDeleteHi - my OH slipped down the stairs holding our boy when he was a few weeks old - we had similar from the very supportive GP - "baby fine, how's your back". It's such an awful feeling - you will get your confidence back.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you got good medical care.
ReplyDeleteAs I understand it, babies are designed to take into account the lack of an instruction manual, and by default the possibility of being born to first-time parents. I don't like to French language-drop - but - la nature fait bien les choses.