A rant about awards ceremonies

Tis the season of awards. The Brits are coming up, the Grammies were yesterday, as were the BAFTAs. The Golden Globes were a few weeks ago (I think) and the Oscars are coming up, as well as the Césars, the French equivalent. Any more? Oh yes, there were some comedy awards a few weeks ago, and I am fairly sure I'm missing one. TV awards? I don't know.

Because I can't keep up. This time of year is a non stop stream of tabloid fodder awards evenings. The same people trudge up identical red carpets and have their picture taken. Lots of photos and analysis of what they are wearing. The big stories today are that lots of women wore black dresses last night, and Helen Mirren has dyed her hair pink.

Some years there will be some tittering at some risqué comments made by the host or by those presenting awards. Every year there will be inches and inches of columns dedicated to who might win, who did win, and the big surprises. Which are never that big are they? I mean, you have a list of nominees in advance. Whichever one wins is not going to be a coronary inducing shock is it?

OK, I know, I'm missing the point. The film and TV and music industries need to have a back slapping jolly. It's every actor's dream to blub up on that podium and thank everyone from their nan to their dog. Plus it keeps us plebs in our place, reminds us that we are not part of the exclusive glittery club, and distracts us from political shenanigans.

But after years of loving these things (I used to record them on TV back when I was a teenager) I have to admit that I am bored of them. I am bored of the dresses, of the commentary, of the endless photos of style hits and misses taken from every angle. I am bored of the hype, and the analysis, and the bookies' predictions. In my ideal world awards ceremonies would take place in private. A person, related or not to the film industry, would sit at a very dull table and just read out the winners. Then the winners could release press statements saying how happy they are and we can choose not to read them.

Because the whole circus has just become dull, political and superficial. That might be because I have become dull, inward looking and cynical. Perfectly possible, indeed probable. But am I alone in groaning every time awards are mentioned now? Am I? OK, as you were..